Diane - lead vocals and other mumbo jumbo

Occupation/Interests: Spiritualists, tarot card reader, crystal ball technician, astrologer, palm reader, fortune cookie stuffer, soul mate of L. Ron Hubbard, mistress of all tree-hugging hippie shit, voodoo hexes and other miscellaneous cosmic debris.

Alias: Madame Charlotte Tandoori

TRANSCRIPT OF AN ACTUAL SESSION: (with a real “ninny”)

Madame Charlotte! How can I be sure that my girlfriend really loves me?

Let me check the cards. thought: (grow a sack you pansy)

It’s all good! Does that mean I should buy her a ring and stop hanging out with all my hot female friends that I’ve conned into thinking that I’m gay. I’ll probably miss giving them foot rubs, having long, pointless, irrational and emotionally connective conversations about well .... nothing. And you probably already know about the side sex when they’re between boyfriends.

I know all my son! Let me check the cards. thought :(yeah! stop at the jewelers on your way to your pedicure girly boy)

It’s all good. But I’m afraid that she thinks I’m inadequate in bed.

Let me check the cards. thought :( you think...therefore you are....and I agree.)

It’s all good. But! But! I wanna be the best!

Let me check (beep) .... your master card. thought: (dammitt! declined! At least she doesn’t love you for your money, loser.) That’s not good .... can you pay cash?